everything is different again

i'm loving my new job. it feels so right. i'm working hard and doing a few late nights but nothing like blooming marvellous or last exit. i'm tired. all that new information is exercising the mind to say the least. i'm feeling a bit antsy about the massive increase in time poverty - i have so much more to say, so little time to articulate it, let alone type it out. oh, when to blog, when to blog, when to blog? (wrings hands in despair).

we're driving to the west country tomorrow. bf has a week off but i am working, so he's taking the kids to stay with grandma for a few days. after that, the weymouth commute should finish and some sense of normality might take hold.

felix has been struggling a bit with full time nursery and a disappearing mama. (or maybe he's just struggling with growing up?) he's very vocal and quite tantrummy. his way of demonstrating is to swipe at your face with his hands, and preferably swat your glasses away which is rude, and physical and annoying and needs a very firm hand (but come to think of it, it is a very canny way to disarm your opponent - clever boy). he's at the back-arching stage. won't get into the buggy. won't go to bed. throws enormous hissy fits about small things. it's ok, because i know it's not personal. but when he tries to hit me, or rejects me for daddy i do feel a but hurt and disappointed because felix is MY baby boy and up until 3 weeks ago i was his best friend in the whole wide world.

jasmine is amazing. she just refuses to take a bath. so maybe i should say, amazing, but a bit smelly.

Doubts about discipline

Just thinking out loud here.

Jasmine, we hope, is over the worst of her diva-phase, and some semblance of peace, happiness and normality is restored.

For those tantrums that still occur, I remain unconvinced we are dealing with them consistently. In my mind, I want to be from the zero tolerance school of discipline. In practice though it's bloody exhausting and time consuming. You just can't get anything done. So we tend to try and be more reasonable when she's having a paddy. But that feels like appeasement more than anything else.

Not easy.

Still don't know what the answer is.

Found the catch with Montelukast the wonder drug

Something's up with Jambeans. She's basically had 2 modes all weekend - either outright anger, or teary moany barely audible wimpers. It started with the big crying fuss at Sophie's birthday party over the balloon (my balloon, my balloon, MY BALLOON... waaaah and so on. Obviously, it was so not her balloon) after which she wailed, in the middle of lunch, at top volume "Want to go home. Want to GO HOME! Sob. Want. sob. Hooome." And she's been a total handful since then.

I know this sounds like typical toddler behaviour, and that's definitely an explanation, but Jasmine is what one would describe as a 'good kid'. She certainly has her diva moments, but they're infrequent and easily manageable. Bf and I are quite relaxed parents, but Jasmine hasn't really given us reason to be more disciplinarian either. Then suddenly, this weekend, a switch flicks inside and she's good to qualify us for Supernanny.

We think it could be the Montelukast - Jasmine's been on it for the last 5 days - and some of the side effects include tiredness, restlessness, agitation, aggressive behaviour and irritability. So we've taken her off and will see if we get our lovely daughter back or whether the Jekyll and Hyde monster is here to stay.

When is enough enough?

As far as I understand being a toddler is all about moaning and whining and throwing endless, unnecessary tantrums. Sorry, I meant to say is all about trying to discover how the world works and gaining some measure of control over it when you are constantly pushed and pulled around by grown ups all the time.

So one of Jasmine's favourite phrases at the moment is "my do it" - meaning "I want to do it", which is OK apart from the fact it also means "my way, in my time, and you don't get a look in". Cause of the current moan is about her wanting to take her shoes off. She successfully removed one but got completely stuck on the second. She managed to pull the velcro strap up OK, but wouldn't let go of it, instead she hung on to it which pulled it tighter, meaning her attempt to loosen the shoe with the other hand and then remove it were totally frustrated. Only Jasmine didn't get this. Instead, when I gently said "Jasmine, let go of the strap..." she took it as me trying to take over and started whining. So then I said "Let mummy help you" which made her cry. Then I tried "Mummy can tell you how to do it and Jasmine can do it" by which time she was in full on protest mode and was thrashing her feet around far too close to my face for my liking, but was still hanging onto the strap for dear life and trying to remove her shoe at the same time. About 10 minutes of me trying to teach her had passed now, and quite frankly, it was getting boring (it was boring to begin with) so I gave in to temptation, made her release her hand from her shoe and pulled it off to a crescendo of moaning, tears, whining and shouting.

I just left her to it. I'm so bored of trying to be a patient parent.

Unfortunately I can't seem to do anything right now. I've had enough.