uneighbourly behaviour

had a vicious slanging match with my neighbour yesterday over parking rights in the shared driveway

(so the aside giving the background to this is that, namely, they have no parking rights. and they know it. unfortunate for them, but sad fact of life. they are tenants. they have a front garden. we are owners. instead of a front garden we have a small parking space for our car in front of our house. which is accessed by the shared driveway. and because we also have a garage at the back that can only be accessed by the driveway, the deeds clearly state that the driveway must not be obstructed AT ANY TIME. and every now and again the neighbour wants to park the car in the driveway so she can wash it and do other stuff. and she wrote us a note when we moved in asking us- which i think was a bit stiff and distant and formal why couldn't she just have come round and asked in a friendly way? - if that was ok, and we said ok but you will have to move it at any time we need access.)

admittedly, it's a very rare occurrence that the snotty diffident cow does park her car in the driveway so i have infrequent cause for complaint,

BUT...

when i come home after one helluva shite day at work and not feeling too hot to boot

and find neighbour's car in said driveway, butted right up next to where our car is parked,

thereby blocking my access to my front door, and therefore to my home, because i cannot get the pram through no matter which way i try,

and when i have to leave my anxious baby in said pram unattended on the pavement together with handbag containing money, beloved orla kiely purse, cards, keys, crackberry, mobiles and therefore entire life there too where absolutely anyone could abscond with the job lot so i can knock on the snotty cow's door to ask her, politely, if she wouldn't mind moving the car because i can't get my pram in,

and when she chooses that moment not to say, OK, i get your point and that's fair enough, but rather to debate, at some length, whether it's actually fair for her to leave her car in the driveway or not,

and then when i ask her to come and look so she can get a better feel for what the problem is that i am trying to explain to her (and also so i can get back to the bub who is very distressed at my absence) and she returns my request with a look of impertinence and disdain because "she hasn't got any shoes on" (and there's me thinking, all she has to do is walk on some clean finchley concrete paving on a bloody warm day so she's just saying that to be snotty)

and then she turns to me and says "i don't appreciate your tone" when she's the one who actually started being snotty for no good reason, whereas i am getting impatient because she's being unnecessarily selfish and i simply want to get back to my unattended baby and into my home,

and after the whole argument escalates into shouting and i try and move things forward by saying lets park the whole "who's being ruder me or you thang because we clearly don't agree but let's both stay calm and i will say again, politely, that i'm afraid i'm going to have to ask you to move your car right now because i can't get into my home and i can't leave my screaming baby unattended much longer"

and she simply doesn't have it in her to shut up and just agree to move the car,

and then when i insist a third time but much less politely now (ie not at all) because i have had enough of her obstinacy over an issue in which she has NO RIGHTS and she slams the door as i walk off in a huff and she then takes forever to reemerge with keys and shoes

and instead of getting into her car and driving she elects AGAIN to complain about access, and my rudeness, and whatever else she can think of

and when i have reached the absolute end of my tether, because home has never seemed so close yet so far,

then yes i do think i was justified in screaming, as loud as i could muster, in her face

"JUST SHUT UP, GET IN THE CAR AND MOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

and no, i don't actually give a shit that i shouted or that i was being un-neighbourly, because quite frankly, she was being a right bitch.

and at the end of the day it's our f***ing driveway.