misery loves bloggery

dear whoever forgive me for i have sinned. it's been about 3 weeks since my last entry...

why oh why is it always the shite times that draw me to the keyboard? i could, for example, have written something last week when jambeans' nose stopped running and she was on brilliant form, and the sun came out and it was gloriously hot, and we went to steve and jessica's for lunch and auntie jessica took beautiful photos of everyone (except the one where i've got about 3 chins) uncle steve did roly poly's for jasmine and made her squeal with delight.

or i could have mentioned how nicky and i had a fab day at work last friday organising our team's magical mystery challenge as we leave our beloved london office for watford and the local asda.

or 2 days ago when i got a pink pass (outlaw in town so i got cover) and jessica and i went and pampered ourselves at the dorchester, which was ay-may-zing, then we had haircuts and i went and bought lots of clothes that are scrummy and actually fit my growing bump, and in the evening the bf took me out for a lovely meal, and it's only the second meal out we have had on our own since jambeans was born and the first one didn't really count so it was extra special and scrummy and lovey-dovey.

but instead i'm compelled to moan in type about the shitest day from shiteland i have had today. jasmine has conjunctivitis again, and after a minor row with the bf about who should stay at home and look after her today (my view - definitely his turn after i took time out of work a few weeks ago even though it completely screwed my week up) he asked his mum to stay on for an extra day (got the benefit of a willing and doting babysitter but... well, you know what) so he could do his meeting in the morning and come home this afternoon, which he did, and i managed to get away early from a tough day at work, where serious weirdness has happened (more later) and when i got home jambeans screamed blue murder (plus iGoo, snot, tears, writhing, more snot, more tears, inconsolable wailing and did i mention the earth shattering screaming?) for 90 minutes and i thought, after half hearted attempts to feed her and get her to sleep, that it was a tantrum, and i should just ignore ignore ignore, but turned out to be real, actual pain and discomfort soothed only by bf actually trying to do something to help, and giving her some ibuprofen, a chocolate biscuit and a cuddle on the sofa when she fell asleep, leaving us seriously stressed out and, for my part at least, GUILTY guilty guilty that i didn't try harder to make it better, and at the back of my mind all the time i'm turning, turning, turning over this weirdness that has happened at work, where two people that i used to manage, so worked with very closely, have outed themselves as a couple, and the chap has left his partner of quite a few years (wife of 2 years) and 5 year old daughter and 18 month old son so he can be with the chap-esse, and they are both very professional at work and i have a lot of time for them and i know nothing of their home lives, or whether they have been very unhappy in their previous situations, or whether it's the right thing or not for all involved and in my head i KNOW that i should be dispassionate and non-judgemental but in reality i just feel very upset about a situation that has absolutely nothing to do with me, and that's making today particularly shite because it's an emotion that i do not understand at all why i am feeling it.

and steve and jessica are going to hong kong because steve has got a job, and even though it really is the most fantastic news i am simply gutted they are going.