The aquatic coke slug

I started a diet when I started work and lost a whole stone in 3 months. wa-hey. But in the 2 months since being at home I've out it all back on again...
Now I'm back to where I started.
Oh.
Dear.
Anyway now I am sans-enfants for one day a week, I've been taking the opportunity to swim. Nothing to get excited about - it's more to ward off depression than rid myself of the muffin top. The depression certainly goes, but invariably converts into raaaaage every time I have to navigate around the f****** Chelsea Tractors on the way home. Today though I witnessed something most disturbing and my life will somehow never be the same again.

Recipe for the aquatic coke slug.

Take one extremely fat lady.
Put her in the medium lane.
Get her to swim veeery slooowly up and down.
Then stop.
Then take a swig of coke from a can perched at the end.

That's one swig of coke every 2 lengths.

Who does that??? What kind of a freak is she???? And why doesn't someone tell the freak to get out of my lane???? (In case she's reading, that's "GET OUT OF MY LANE YOU WEIRD FAT FREAKY COKE SLUG")

Ignore me. Having a weird day.