Almost officially unemployed

Tuesday's email from the MD

Subject: Update
While discussions to secure the business are being finalised we regret that the payroll is not going to be administered tomorrow. Matters are coming to a conclusion and there will be a further update by Friday at the latest.

Yesterday evening there was an article in Retail Week saying the administrators had been appointed, so it's fairly obvious what the 'further update' is going to be. I expect I'll be officially unemployed soon, get my P45 and hopefully get some closure.

I've been going through a cycle of emotions about losing my job and what the future might hold but throughout the last month I've made a conscious effort to stay positive. I've hovered somewhere between stoical, sanguine and resigned to it all, but recently I've been giving in to frustration and anger.

I feel angry towards the people who employed me. It goes without saying this is probably unfair. I know that we're all victims of the Icelandic bank collapse - ultimately the lack of funding from our Scandinavian investors is what tipped us over the edge. And I also know our company directors have lost more than just their jobs. And I know they've been working very hard in extremely stressful situations. And finally, I like them as people. At least, I think I do.

But I'm angry nevertheless.

When I was being interviewed we were going to have a new website and open 40 stores. A few months down the line and we couldn't even afford milk for tea. The impersonal nature of the MD's email is what set me off. I wish he had just written 'I'm sorry guys, I know you've been holding out to see if we've pulled together a rescue package and whether you can get paid this month but unfortunately it's not going to happen. I'm not able to tell you details right now about what the future of the business might be but expect a more detailed update before the end of the week.'

Fuck it. I wish he had just written 'I'm sorry.'