To EPU or not to EPU

Paranoia has begun to set in.
(Or is it me just being extremely in tune with my body?)

After Monday's burst of pregnancy symptoms, today, I feel nothing.
Nada.
Zip.

I just don't feel pregnant today.

Didn't yesterday either, when my appetite returned big time. And the nausea went. And I felt quite alert and sprightly.

And it feels the same today. Barring, of course, the sleep-deprived variety of nausea and feeling totally knackered because of yet another random sleepless night, but that feels very different to the pregnancy variety.

And then I couldn't help but remind myself that when I had a miscarriage just over two years ago it presented at 11 weeks but they said it probably occurred around 6 weeks, and today I am 7 + 1 so it got me thinking... But then it's silly and doesn't mean anything and speculating about bad things happening doesn't help anyone.

So now I am sort of worried. But not in a panicky way. Just in a vague back of mind entertaining of the idea this might not have a happy ending and wondering if we should in fact go to the EPU?

First GP visit

Went to GP yesterday to start the whole pregnancy process again. Have moments where it feels very real – but generally it hasn’t quite sunk in yet. Spoke to bf about it today – both confessed to feeling rather scared. But oddly not about miscarriage risk, or prematurity, or a repeat of the nightmare that is pregnancy in general. Mainly about how on earth we’re gonna cope with one diva of a toddler and a baby. Good thing is that both of us are talking like we’re assuming that pregnancy will be successful. In many ways we can’t help but think like that. No matter how hard you tell yourself to not to count your chickens, the thought is nevertheless always there that we’re gonna have another bub in (we hope no sooner than) 9 months’ time.

Actually, I’m 5 weeks and 5 days gone, so I guess its 8 months’ time really.

Have decided not to book into EPU (early pregnancy unit) but to wait until 12 week scan. Even if we have a scan early and there is no heartbeat, what we gonna do about it anyway? So might as well wait for nature to take its course. Hoping desperately it’s not twins – first pregnancy was twins and even though there’s no hard evidence we’re pretty sure that was why we miscarried. Twins also have a much higher incidence of premature birth. So please please, please just one, healthy (hopefully male, though female would be jolly exciting too) pregnancy sack in there.

Feeling fine in general – only symptoms so far are some horrendous, teenage-style spots that I am enjoying squeezing, and feeling quite tired. Have been feeling cream crackered quite a lot in last 3 weeks, but previously put it down to Jambeans sleeping poorly and me being crazy busy at work and just battled through. It’s much harder to fight now I know it’s due to pregnancy, but having a wee toddler means you have no choice.

Have been struggling to remember how soon after discovering I was pregnant the nausea came last time. Have convinced myself it came around 6 weeks – where I will be in 2 days’ time. Am taking it as a good sign and feeling optimistic that sickness will be less this time around. If there is a pregnancy goddess please note that I really have done my time. Please, please, please, please, please, please, please don’t let me suffer from morning sickness like I did last time.