Deep calm

Had a very blissed out evening putting F and J to bed. J is getting into stories now, so we read The Gruffalo all snuggled up together and feeling happy.

It's so important for me to remember times like this, cos it's so much easier to focus on and write about all the crying and feeding and mania and fatigue etc. etc. that I forget to record how wonderful life with children really is.

Lost a shoe at the zoo

How did that happen?

OK, not strictly a ditzy Cinderella story, as it wasn't a shoe I was actually wearing - the weather threatened both thunderstorms and a heatwave so I wore my trainers and put my beloved, funky green flats with the skull & crossbone pattern in the basket of Jazzie's pram. Come shoe changing time there's only one shoe in the basket. The other must have fallen out. How gutting is that?

So you can probably tell we went back to London zoo. Animal du jour was a Feather-tailed Glider - a wee little mouse that only comes out at night with a tail surrounded by feathered skin so it's flat and good for gliding from one branch to another. Seriously cool.
And the squirrel monkeys were on great form.
And jambeans was on great form.
And boyfried is on great form and being extra specially considerate and lovely at the moment.
And I've knackered my back again ;-(
But it's mainly good.
But it's school tomorrow :-(

Signs of Personality

The bub has been on tremendous good form recently. Her personality is really coming through. Previously people have said 'she's got such personality', but I always dismissed that as meaningless commentary. I mean, she was a baby and did the baby stuff that all babies do. That's no sign of individuality.

But now I get it, and maybe now is the time Jambeans is capable of showing that she's developing into a little person in her own right, or maybe now I'm seeing for the first time what others could see.

So, she's a cheeky, fun-loving, demanding diva-like, playful but oh-so spilgy type toddler. And that's a very distinct personality from other toddlers her age like Ben, who is loving and chilled, or Zayne, who is full'o'beans and relentlessly curious.

And hopefully our little personality has tooth number 7 poking through, otherwise it would be a bit embarrasing 'cos we've been chalking up any odd behaviour to teething for what seems like months now. As an explanation it's beginning to look a bit flimsy, like we don't really know what we're doing. Which obviously isn't true at all.

another bun is in the oven

ooooooooohhhhhh.

found out 2 days ago i'm pregnant again. given previous miscarriage, seriously crappy pregnancy and premature baby would have thought i would be more circumspect about it all, but that hasn't hit yet so am just enjoying the feeling of being very very very excited.

crossing the threshold

jambeans crawled into the hall by herself today. she was looking for me - crawled quite confidently down the hall, but then got hesitant just before the dining room and stopped for a bit of a think.
ooh she's just adorable

she thought i wasn't looking, but i was peeking from the stairs. hee hee.

she's been on great from today, despite the cough and snot. we went to muzzie hill for brunch with caroline and ben and we both bought a hilarious book called "who's in the loo?" for our respective bubs. i also managed to pick up some i-saw-you-coming-bag-and-necklace-type-stuff that i don't really need, but i don't feel guilty at all. ha ha.

Ben and Zayne's birthday party

Unlike us, Ben and Zayne's parents were brave and held a joint 1st birthday for them a few weeks ago at Clown Town. Jasmine had a great time - she discovered squishy slides, ball pits and birthday cake, all for the first time. She also discovered that balloons are the best thing in the whole wide world ever, and doubtless will continue to think that for many a year (until she discovers stickers, basically) so we bought a big pack of balloons for her and she's had one a day to play with pretty much ever since.
That was a few weeks ago, and she's been on great form since then, but the snot monster invaded again a couple of days ago. (More proof that the Law of Sod is very much alive and in operation - I was working in Swindon again when the dreaded phone call came from the nursery. Without tubes there simply is no easy way to rush back on a train and pick your daughter up early.) She's been rollercoastering up and down since then, but I guess it's another sign of a years' worth of experience that we're quite calm about it all, and know that it will pass.

Didn't realise it could be this fab

Sunday 15th April

Sun's out, Jam-beans is being adorable and I'm still on a huge motherhood roll. So I'm basically going to gush for the whole of this post.

This weekend the weather turned seriously summery, so we've been shopping, gone to London Zoo, chilled at Kenwood House and enjoyed the bluebells at Ashridge. Now I understand why I work part-time - it's just been totally fab.

Brent Cross was heaving, as per usual (I still can't believe how many people don't work on a Thursday. Where do they all come from, and more importantly, where does all that shopping money come from?) Jazzie and I had our first, proper girlie lunch at the food temple that is Carluccios, only she did a poo halfway through and I had to risk leaving pram and shopping bags under the i'm-not-sure-how-watchful eye of the waiter to go change her. Still, everything was there when I got back and it earned him a decent tip. Jazzie's got shiny red teething cheeks at the moment, which, combined with her flirty-long lashes, meant we had a constant stream of mainly octagenarian admirers.

The zoo on Friday was even more heaving - predominantly with chavs, markedly different from the middle-class childfest it was last time we came. There was a huge queue - about an hours' wait we guessed, which thankfully we avoided by paying the daylight-robbery-tenner for the Zoo Car Park, and getting our entrance tickets there. All the animals were out and were being perky. Jasmine loves watching the animals move - she just zones in with her eyes and her face fills with concentration. The new Gorilla Kingdom is fantastic, but even better was the new rainforest enclosure, where we watched sloths and tamarins move about without the usual encumbrance of a glass barrier. Sadly no photos from the zoo to post - we tried our hand at wildlife cinematography instead and got loads of wobbly video clips.

Jam-beans has been amazing for the whole weekend. Soundtrack to her life at the moment is She Wants to Move cos she just can't sit still. She loves to do wobbly standing (as demonstrated in the photo here at Kew a couple of weeks ago) and has made tentative attempts to shift her weight from side to side and take a few steps. She's also mad keen to pull herself up by herself. She hasn't quite managed it yet, but I have lots of stretched tops and bras to show how hard she's been trying to grab hold and pull up.

She's still big on waving, which is adorable and heartwarming because it's such a brilliant way for her to interact with us.















She's also babbling loads at the moment. Syllable du jour is 'ba-ba-ba-ba' but she's also back on 'ma-ma-ma' and I am absolutely convinced (no evidence - just bloody-minded belief) that she knows it means me. She looked straight into my eyes earlier today, paused and then said really clearly 'ma-ma' - I nearly cried it felt so great.

Saturday and Sunday, today, have been for walking in the lovely sunshine. While Jazzie's trying to watch the whole world out there and take it all in, my eyes are just fixed on watching her grow. It's intense, and quite obsessive, but utterly fab and it just keeps getting better.

Spring has sprung

Beautiful spring day. Went to Kew Gardens. Held hands with the bf as we walked past daffodils and magnolia trees in filtered sunlight. The bub babbling away gently to herself. Feel totally blissed out.

Pink pass

Tuesday 20th February, Pancake Day

Boyfie has a pink pass tonight. It's the first time he's had a night out in i don't know how long. It's the first time i've done the evening routine without him in i don't know how long. And I can't remember what going out actually consists of any more. It feels weird. And lately i've been feeling that i would like to start going out again and have some fun, but i think i'm scared of venturing out the front door because i've forgotten where to go and what to do.

how desperately sad.
and old.
and pathetic.

Enough!

Work was good today. I enjoyed myself. I like being back. By the time I'm on the tube platform in the morning I've forgotten about the bub and start looking forward to the day. Guilt-free for a change - it's fab.

Jazzie continues to be an absolute dream. yesterday and today she's come home in the evening from nursery and has done nothing but laugh and play. i tickled her all over this evening and she just giggled and giggled and giggled.

Developmental phase du jour (de la semaine, du mois etc etc.) is banging.

No longer a baby

Sunday 18th February

Jam-beans has been an absolute delight this weekend. Her personality and independence are really coming through - she reaches for specific toys, makes a noise when she wants something, lifts her arms up to be picked up, watches where something drops and when she babbles it just sounds like she's saying something specific.

She sits on her own quite beautifully now. I'm not quite sure when the wobbling stopped, and the balancing started - I feel like I've missed something.

As predicted, her veggie rejection is almost complete so today she's been a good little food guinea-pig for us. Lots of food firsts today - her first pasta, went down a treat, her first meat, gobbled up, her first finger food - half a rice cracker successfully munched rather than being used asa drumstick before being cast off the high chair.


To look at her, she doesn't seem like a baby any more. She's losing the big doe-eyed look. She obviously isn't a toddler yet, so I'm not quite sure what she is. Whatever she is, it's very very very cute.

School tomorrow :-( I just want to stay at home and play with Jazzie.

If you're happy and you know it

The bub has started to clap her hands.
It is soo cute.

Who cares about the cool people anyway?

To hell with it. I'm here, and ready to blog. Anyway, i reckon it should be spelled with an 'o' anyway, like good old English diarrhoea.

So - last night - Jazzie slept through 11 and 1/2 hours, woke up at 6.30am on the dot (which is what we're aiming for), did a full day's work at nursery (9-5), was witnessed smiling, is still drinking water, came home, did a load of giggling and went to bed without fuss.

What a good baby.

And I swam 40 lengths today before pigging out at Carluccios with a very pregnant Jessica.

Note to self - remember this week - there are good phases as well as the bastard hard ones.

dp (aka boyfried) had helluva day at work and I just told him to 'go away' like a bad dog. Feeling tres guilty.