Sleep trouble

Sleep training. Again. What a fucking nightmare. And I'm totally crap at it, mainly giving in and letting Felix fall asleep on me, with me, next to me, whenever and wherever he likes. But this afternoon I am RESOLVED not to let the little bugger get away with it. So the shit shield goes up and I lay him down in his cot every 15 minutes and ignore the sobs, and the snot and the tears.

And then he only goes and throws up everywhere so I have to pick him up and sort him out. And then he has the cheek to fall asleep on my shoulder while I carry him downstairs.

He's totally cheating. No fair.

Separation Anxiety - the conclusion, we hope

After 1 night of sleep training (go in, lights off, no eye contact, lay him down, soothing talk, hand on tummy, leave asap, wait 10 mins, repeat ad nauseam) Felix has been going to bed and sleeping through. I was wrong about marine boot camp, it was more at the Kids from Fame end of the scale.

Separation Anxiety - further developments

Felix had been alternating the night time screamfests but then we had 3 in a row - lasting for over 3 hours each. Horrendous. The parents of super-compliant-sleep-anywhere-sleep-anytime kids will just never, never ever understand what we're going through on a nightly basis. I keep harking back in desperation to the pre-bragging days when he would pop down like a dream. That was only a few weeks ago. I'm going to be a zombie wreck by the end of this week if it continues.

It's clear that whatever tactics bf and I have been using have failed to achieve anything. The idea is to (a) get him to calm down (b) get him to shut the eff up (c) reassure him his parents are still there (d) but not get him dependent on our presence, cuddles or physical contact for any of the above. After about 3 hours of trying to settle him my resolve breaks and I normally give in and cuddle or co-sleep.

So we came up with a plan yesterday - consulted all the books yadda yadda - and it basically means sleep training again, though this time it's going to be much, much tougher. Marine boot camp tough, as opposed to kids from Fame.

Weaning diary notes #2 - cold turkey day

Sun 23.17:
Felix rolled over onto his tummy in his sleep. Started screaming. Full breastfeed.

Mon 01:00:
Same thing happened again. Short burst of booby milk.

Mon 02.50 - 04.00:
Felix rolled over again. We righted him, twice, then let him cry himself to sleep for 1 hour and 10 minutes. It is at some point while he was screaming that I decided we go cold turkey from now.

Mon 07.30:
Felix wakes. Daddy offers bottle nonchalantly. Squealibeans Rejects Bottle. I am totally on edge, assuming he is a bomb about to go off.

Mon 11.00:
Whimpering grows but he's nowhere near frantic. After some initial resistance bf bottle-feeds him 110ml of EBM/formula mix.

WOW! We are amazed. Clearly, he can still drink from a bottle!!

Mon 1pm:
Whimpering grows again, but still not frantic. Felix drinks another 70ml EBM/formula mix from a bottle.

Mon 14.50:
After persistent complaining since his last feed Felix takes another 110ml. Another small step forward. Had been feeling very antsy up to this point, but again, calm and hopefulness is restored.

Mon 17.10:
Felix drinks 110ml, given to him by his mum.

Mon 19.00:
120ml, again given by mum. He finishes the bottle. I wish I had put more milk in.

Total Monday: 520ml.

Tues some heinous hour of night:
Felix woke, hungry and screaming. After 45 mins I caved in and give him 170ml from a bottle.

Tues 09.00:
150ml from bottle.

Tues 11.30:
130ml from bottle.

Which brings us up to now.

Is it safe to say he's weaned now? Could it really be that quick? After all our anxiety, surely it should be a lot more painful? It makes me feel stupid for worrying so much. Anyway, the plan is really to establish him on milk for a few days, then go back to giving him some solids too and a few sips from the cup. I've been pumping the boobs to ease the pain, and just need to reduce the frequency and volume I express each time. Then we'll increase the formula to EBM ratio till it's totally formula. All eminently doable.

At some point we need to make sure he's full enough during the days so he can go back to sleeping through the night again. Aaarrrgghhhh at the thought of sleep training again. At least there is something left for me to worry about.

Getting Felix to sleep through - executive summary

So Felix is consistently sleeping through somewhere between 9 and 11 hours every night. He doesn't always go to bed easily, sometimes he wakes up in the middle of the night and needs to settle himself back again, and often it's nearer 9 hours than the desired 11 BUT the important thing of note is that I am getting decent kip, at last, and I think I've sort of stopped moaning about it. But it does beg the question - why do I still feel so tired?

Getting Felix to sleep through - twelfth and thirteenth nights

Night 12 sleep report: Felix slept through 11 hours

Night 13 sleep report: Felix woke up around 4am, eyes wide open, babbling and desperately trying to chew on anything within grabbing distance, but he wasn't crying. A few yelps and wails ensued over the next 20 mins or so then he went back to sleep by himself.

So according to the 5-night rule, he's not "sleeping through" just yet but 3 in a row is good going.

Jasmine's new duvet

Jambeans has been undergoing a bit of sleep training of her own recently, in preparation for the day we turn her cot into a cot bed.

She's outgrown her sleeping bag so we bought her a new duvet and pillow at the weekend. Jasmine chose the covers (thankfully, the lovely blue train pattern as opposed to gopping pink fairy) and absolutely loves her duvet. We've been breaking her in gently, so for the first few days she would happily lie under it, giggling, on the living room floor, on our bed, in Felix' room, anywhere basically, but she got a bit anxious when at bedtime we bundled it into her cot and bundled her in shortly after. She took a while to settle and when we went to check we found her enjoying the freedom of being released from the sleeping bag for the first time: fast asleep, pyjama bottoms off, forehead down, bum in the air on top of the duvet.

But last night she got the hang of it and managed to stay under the duvet all night, and reassuringly, in one basic position rather than the usual 360 degree travels round her cot she normally does in the night.

She's also shown an increasing tendency to do her own stuff in her cot after we've put her down at bedtime - chatting to the vast menagerie of animals she's amassed, reading the books she also insists on taking into the cot with her. Now I think of it, there is an inordinate amount of stuff in her cot. If ever I've lost something that's going to be the first place I look.

Getting Felix to sleep through - eleventh night

Felix went to bed like a dream at 7 and slept through 11 hours again last night. So I'm now wondering how many consecutive nights before we can start claiming that Felix is actually 'sleeping through'? I reckon about 5.

Getting Felix to sleep through - ninth and tenth night

Sleep report night 9:

After our wibble, we did a proper bedtime routine, on time again. The trick is to get him used to falling asleep by himself, as opposed to being fed or cuddled, then he'll know what to do if he wakes in the middle of the night. Only Felix wouldn't settle, because he was still hungry I think, and when I went to feed him around 8pm he fell asleep at the breast and I couldn't rouse him. What can you do?

So in the middle of the night Felix woke up around 2am and cried for 10 minutes, which woke up Jambeans. Then I went to get Jambeans into our bed and check Felix, which made him cry harder for another 10 minutes. Then he was completely quiet, and it toook about 20 minutes for us to all relax again and start to doze off, when he woke up again and cried for the next 40 minutes. Total ordeal lasted about an hour. It was OK. Jambeans managed to ignore it and fall asleep pretty quickly which made it a lot easier.

Sleep report night 10:

Felix slept through again. Yaaaaaaaaaayyyyy!

Getting Felix to sleep through - the wibble in the middle

So after our amazing nights' sleep we sort of wibbled a bit. Felix is still sleeping long stretches - 7 to 9 hours, but not the 10 - 11 I really need. Instead, he's been waking between 9pm and 10pm and I've been feeding him then and he goes through till about 5am. And I've been a bit lax about making sure he doesn't feed himself to sleep during the day too, which doesn't help I'm sure. So we're going to sharpen our act up again and get back on track.

Getting Felix to sleep through - sixth night

Apologies, in advance, for the indiscriminate use of punctuation marks, but...

FELIX SLEPT THROUGH LAST NIGHT!!!!

HURRAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!

And although it's a bit premature, I am already planning weeks of sleep-laden nights ahead.

Getting Felix to sleep through - fifth night

Night 5 sleep report:

Felix settled himself to sleep around 19.00, then woke at 03.45, did about 10 minutes halfhearted whimpering that was barely audible, then went back to sleep by himself.

Hurrah! Elation! Joy!

Babymomma was very excited that he had actually slept through for the first time.

But then 20 minutes later and mid-celebration Felix woke up again and started whimpering himself fully awake. This time I went into check him, my cunning plan being to wear bf's enormous dressing gown to disguise the smell of milk and make Felix think I am daddy. Needless to say, I wasn't expecting too much.

So Felix is whimpering, then goes all silent and hopeful when he hears my footsteps, looks at me imploringly as I reposition him, then as I turn to go he starts screaming in a way that translates as "Nooooo! Don't Go! Come back! Mummy come back! Mummy come back now! Pleeease come back! I want a cuuuuuuuddle!!!!!!!!!!!"

But it only lasted half an hour this time, and the gaps between his fits of crying are growing longer, so we're definitely on the right path.

Getting Felix to sleep through - fourth night

Night 4 sleep report as follows:

Felix' last feed was at 18.10, he went to sleep on his own at 20.00, woke at 04.00, bf went to check on him but no cuddle, Felix then cried for 42 mins only and slept till 7am...

Am feeling hopeful.

And I've also decided to ditch getting Felix onto a bottle for at least the foreseeable future and wean Felix straight onto the cup, as we did with Jasmine. It's going well so far - he's lapping up about 60ml at a time in a messy but eager way, and I'm sure could take more. And he seems quite comfortable with formula, even if it's neat. And including the fact he's eating rice porridge quite nicely maybe, just maybe, that means I can start having the occasional morning off when bf is at home?

It's scary just writing it down because it seems like too much to hope for. Also, at the back of my mind, is the knowledge that Jasmine made exactly the same progress and then rejected the cup a few days before she was due to start nursery...

Getting Felix to sleep through - third night

Night 3 sleep report:

Felix cried for 1 hour 20 mins - insistent, pleading, loud, angry, hungry cries - and it goddamn nearly broke my heart to listen to him. I had to go downstairs and watch the end of "50 Sexiest Supermodels" on E! Entertainment. (Heidi Klum? Number 2?? Surely a mistake?) But he did sleep eventually, and then slept till 7am.

I don't know why, but I got it into my head that it only takes about 3 days for the whole thing to work, so even though it's not going badly I feel a bit sad today that we're putting the poor wee bub through the whole ordeal.

Getting Felix to sleep through - second night

Night 2 sleep report:

Felix woke at 2.34am, cried for 1 hour and 3 minutes, had 2 cuddles from the bf but no food. It started off a slow tired moan, got more frantic then he conked out. I woke him at 7am to feed him because my boobs were exploding.

It's going quite well. But I'm nervous about when the bf is at work.

Getting Felix to sleep through - first night

Felix is a pretty good sleeper, and was making fab progress till he rejected the bottle at the beginning of June. Since then, either because of, or simply by coincidence, his night waking patterns have been a lot more unpredictable, so I decided that as soon as we get back from holiday we should aim to get him to sleep through. He's just shy of 5 months' old - it feels like the right time.

We're not 100% sure what the best way to go about it is. We keep debating whether to try and link it to getting him used to the bottle again. Weaning is the next major hurdle, and will take longer (and, because of the nightmare I had last time, and because history is repeating itself, is the thing I dread more than torture, more than death, more than global chocolate-drought). So we've been pratting about trying to give him a 10pm bottle feed (maybe he wasn't hungry or he was and just rejected it - either way it was a FAIL and I was plunged into despair just before bedtime) and then trying to bottle feed him in the middle of the night when he did wake (same result, same potential reasons, same middle of night despair). We've now decided to ditch that particular problem till later, bench the despair, and focus on getting him to sleep through for now.

With Jambeans we didn't try till she was 7 months corrected, and when we finally did get round to doing it, we did it in a gentle, slow way - first weaning her off the breast, then weaning her off the cuddles - but the thing that really worked worked was ultimately letting her cry it out, so we're going to cut out all the Good Cop tactics and try the same with Felix. Luckily for me, bf gets to be Bad Cop.

Soooo, first night's report:

Felix cried for 1 hour and 8 minutes. It started of a gentle, bearable, whiny-wimpering. Then got more persistent so Bf administered cuddles after half an hour. Then turned into full on shrieking which woke Jambeans up. Then, all of a sudden - total quiet. And sleep till 7am.

The first night is supposed to be the worst, so by my calculations that was a good start.