Rescued by music

The feeling that I’m a time bomb about to explode tipped over into this morning, when I did, indeed, explode. The catalyst – the discovery I had lost my precious, beautiful, indispensable, all-weather, all-terrain black Berghaus raincoat. And soon after that, I totally lost what little composure I had left. Tears, shouting, and frustration – it all came out in a torrent. Then I stormed off, slamming the door behind me and leaving a frustrated and perplexed boyfriend, a poorly toddler who doubtless thought she had done something wrong, and, thankfully, an oblivious baby.

The cause – hormones, bloody hormones, as “time of the month” has come round again. I remember feeling this irrationally angry during the first weeks of my pregnancy with Felix. It’s totally nasty. And I’m not sure I know how to deal with it.

The guilt and wretchedness started about two paces out of the door, combined with more tears. I had one resort – my “panic” play list I had compiled the day before I started work, designed to guide me through times like this: when the burdens of responsibility, combined with rush hour, combined with sick children and exhaustion hangovers take hold. Only it didn’t work, and I was getting angrier and angrier, when suddenly, the last 4 songs started to cast their magic spell over me and some semblance of normality returned.

Johnny Cash, Radiohead, Red Hot Chili Peppers and Justin Timberlake (yes, that's Justin Timberlake, I know...) – I owe you a debt of gratitude.