Lack of bottle

Today I've found myself dwelling and worrying impatiently about Felix' bottle rejection. Since total bottle meltdown a few weeks ago, bf has succesfully reinstated late night feedings, basically by shoving the teat in the bub's mouth when he is half asleep and not overly hungry. We also upped the flow rate of the teat which seems to have gone down well, so I've been feeling OK and relaxed and optimistic that weaning onto a bottle will be just dandy... until last night when I tried giving Felix some bottle milk when I was tired and my boobs weren't very full and when he wouldn't settle only be treated to a firm NO.

Ho hum.

Babymomma shows a distinct lack of grit

It had to happen some time, Felix was up 5 times last night. Either he's hungry and getting ready for solids, or teething which is making him eat little and often, but the end result is the same - one very tired and frazzled babymomma.

To add insult to injury it was his 4 month jabs today, so he had to have 3 injections and my god did he cry and wobble his little lip like mad - which I found tres upsetting despite all my efforts to stay level-headed about it all. Felix was crying so much, and I felt so sorry for him that tears started leaking out of the sides of my eyes. At least it was graceful, ladylike crying, rather than the full-on, red-cheeked, snotty-nosed, puffy-eyed, ugly-faced blubbing variety, but it was crying in public nevertheless, i.e. a Sign of Weakness, and it was only half ten in the morning.

Still, fingers crossed I make it through the day.

How could I have forgotten the Fairy Cakes?

Speaking of Fairy Lakes, that reminds me, I did more baking last week. I don't know what this fetish is about, photographing my humble triumphs in the baking department and then trumpeting about them on the blog, but I simply have to let my huuuge audience of 2.5 people out there see the Fairy Cakes I made, complete with pink and yellow icing and dolly mixture decorations.

Ta Daaaaaaaa

An oasis of peace and happiness

Using Father's Day as an excuse to escape we disappeared off to the Ickworth Hotel (where we went last year for Jasmine's first birthday) and from the moment we arrived it felt like a homecoming - warm, relaxing, invigorating. They have the most idyllic and beautiful pond I have ever seen, aptly called "Fairy Lake." As the bf says "it's one of my new favourite places in the world."

Up down up down up down

My mood has been yo-yoing from one extreme to the other so much recently it's getting boring. I'm feeling totally out of control. And yet, the bubs continue to thrive...

Felix is a-changing

Just when you thought you got the measure of a bub, then whoosh, they go and grow up some and do things all different like. ok, enough of the crap language but i might dispense with caps as i'm doing this all one-handed and it's ve-ry-slo-ow. the effly beans has started getting chatty, and mainly emits these long, loud caterwaul type shrieks which are difficult to describe in words but are very funny and charming. and he's also started to chew his hands and fingers a lot more, and suck on the ball of my hand (is it the ball? or the heel? anyway, it's the fleshy bit of the palm just below the thumb) and he grabs, grabs, grabs at mussies and sheets and clothing but most of all at my hair which he often pulls out but unfortunately he only ever gets the long healthy black hair and i'm worried that it's going to reduce the black to white ratio beyond the point of acceptable.

The frightening prospect of a short leash

My worst nightmare came true as Felix rejected the bottle 3 days ago. Didn't realise how much I had come to rely on him feeding from a bottle for my sense of freedom - it affords me the opportunity for a few hours respite from kids if I need to take it. As soon as that was gone I crashed emotionally. Painful memories of months of anxiety, misery and depression during Jasmine's bubtime bottle refusal/ cup rejection/ total weaning nightmare came flooding back together with feelings of resentment towards Felix - not nice. Spent most of the last 3 days forcing myself to stay calm and be positive then breaking down in floods of tears when it didn't work.

Bf tried the feeding him when he's half asleep trick last night and thankfully he drank without much ado. Early days but it's still a huge weight off my shoulders.