Bad news day

Caroline called last night to tell me that she had been bleeding, and her first scan showed the foetus didn't have a heartbeat. She's still in her first trimester, about 9 weeks, and it was only recently I mentioned she was pregnant at all. Now she has to wait to pass the pregnancy. She sounded very calm and resigned to the bad news, she has after all coped with much much worse, but I know how gutting it is. I tried to give her my love and some support but it just felt inadequate. I felt desperately sad.

My first week back at work is not as smooth as I had hoped. I had arranged for the garage to pick the car up this morning and for me work from home until they arrived. My boss said it was OK but I knew he wasn't 100% pleased with the faltering start. Boyfie said it wasn't the end of the world if he didn't have a car for his on call (though I don't see how - if he gets called in at 3am it's going to be a mighty struggle) and that I should rearrange the car pick up for tomorrow and go into work today.

So I did that, but the bub woke up this morning with oodles of pus seeping out of her eye - the nursery warned me yesterday that conjunctivitis was going round. So I had to let work know I couldn't come in today at all. That was really, really hard. Despite the fact that things are out of my control I still felt somehow responsible, and as if it could count against me.

So not a great day. And I can't even go and see Caroline to because bub has a nasty contagious virus and I don't have a car.